Week 8 – Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Sex Series #1)

Our icebreaker this week was a competition.  Each girl had to talk for a full minute about a topic of my choosing.  The catch was that they had to say the words “like” and “um” as few times as possible.

The topics were:

  • Your favorite animal
  • Your best birthday party
  • A boy you like
  • Your dream vacation
  • What you would do with a million dollars
  • Your favorite movie
  • Your hardest class ever
  • What you want to do when you “grow up”

Our girls averaged about 3-4 “likes” per minute, although some of them looked in great pain as they tried!  The winner managed ZERO “likes” or “ums” – and she didn’t pause either!  (We had some hot pink star-shaped earrings and a package of girly Silly Bandz as a prize.)

We started the evening with the question:  What does the Bible say about sex?  (And all the other questions that stem from that – does it really say it’s only for marriage?  Where does it say that?  Etc.)

So we wanted to SHOW our girls that the Bible/God has A LOT to say about sex.  You know what He says about sex?  He says do it! (Gen. 1: 21-28) He says it is very good. (Amen?)  (Gen. 1: 331) He says that if you’re married, you should have sex all the time!  (1 Cor. 7:3-5)  He says to enjoy sex. (Prov. 5:18-19)

We tend to think that sex is this terrible, rebellious thing.  That it’s dirty and unspeakable and wrong.  That’s not true!  It was God’s idea.  His command.  He thought it up, and when he looked back, he said, “it’s good!”   Sex is an expression of intimacy, love, trust.  A celebration of a covenant relationship with your spouse.  A celebration of commitment.  A celebration of marriage.  Sex is THE WAY to build a family.

Point #1:  Sex is good.

Secondly, we wanted to show our girls (through scripture) that sex is a big deal.  It’s not just something people do when things get serious.  Not just a decision or a mistake or a rite of passage.  Everything about sex is a big deal.

When two people have sex, they become one flesh – irreversibly.

Point #2:  Sex is a big deal.

Because sex is (1) God’s idea and (2) a really big deal, God gives us safe-operating instructions.  He doesn’t throw this awesome, powerful thing at us and say, “Hope you can figure it out!”  No, God is good and wise, and knows that we have a tendency to screw things up on our own.  So he says, “Here is sex.  It’s great.  Let me show you how to use it.”

Here is God’s one rule about sex.  It only happens within the context of marriage.  That’s it.  That’s the rule.  Nothing from outside your marriage comes into your sexual relationship.  No other people, real or imagined.

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.”  [1 Corinthians 7:1-5, The Message]

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”  [Hebrews 13:4, NIV]

“”Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”  [1 Corinthians 6:12-20]

Point #3:  Sex comes with rules.  And the rule is, only within marriage (which means, logically, that sex before marriage is wrong, and sex with anyone besides your spouse is wrong).

We compared sex to a fire.  When it’s in the fireplace it is wonderful.  It is warm, cozy.  It provides, heat, comfort, light.  You can cook with it, use it as fuel.  It’s practical, helpful, enjoyable, and beautiful!   But when you take the SAME FIRE out of the fireplace – it will burn down your house, and you can never know what casualties there may be until it is too late.

Similarly, within marriage, sex is wonderful.  It is fun, intimate, precious, enjoyable.  It’s a celebration!  It can provide a family for you, it connects you to your spouse.  It draws you closer.  It is an expression of love and trust.  But if you take the exact same act outside of marriage – it can destroy your life.

It could cost you your marriage, your health, your “plans,”  your reputation, your relationships, your testimony, your self-respect and self-worth.  There are a thousand consequences:  physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, relational.  It could burn down your life.

I left the girls with a great website.  It’s called Teen Breaks, and it has resources like:

  • Information on sexting
  • Is it love or lust?
  • Lines guys use to push for sex – and great responses.  (ie:  “Seriously, everyone is doing it.”  “Then you should have no problem finding somebody else.”)
  • Honest Q&A from guys and girls about sex.  These are simultaneously heart-breaking, revealing, and awesome.
  • Information about STDs
  • Relationship problem stories
  • Celebrity virgins
  • What to do if you’ve already lost your virginity

Here’s the link!

The next three weeks are going to be great, too!  Stay tuned.

One Response to “Week 8 – Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Sex Series #1)”

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  1. Recap and Sneak Peak (all in one)! « - August 17, 2010

    […] Week 8 – Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Sex Series #1) […]

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