Week 9 – Sex Series #2

If you’re interested in remembering, reviewing, sharing, or using the material from our Sex Series – here’s what we did on night #2!

We passed out these invitations via Facebook and at school.  (The girls gave them to their friends)



Dan was our guest speaker – and he started our night for us.

He explained to the girls (as best a girl could POSSIBLY understand) that guys are visual!  SO VISUAL.  In a way that we can’t really understand or relate to.  He said that if a guy looks at a picture of a crowded city street, his eyes are drawn to a low-top here, a tight skirt there.  It’s how they’re wired, by God.  It’s not bad or gross until it’s perverted (which means twisted).  It’s okay for guys to be visual, but it becomes harmful and sinful when it’s misused.

He referenced Job making a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman lustfully (Job 31:1), and the passage in Matthew where Jesus says that when a man looks lustfully at a woman, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:27 and following).

He explained that guys have a “lust trigger” and a “love trigger,”  and the two are in no way related.  He explained that it is possible to get turned on, or lust after a girl, and then realize days later, “I don’t even think she’s attractive!”   He explained that lust DOES NOT equal love, or even like, or even attraction.  It’s a hormonal thing.   He said that there are a lot of things girls can do to get attention, but that instead of trying to get a man’s lustful, impure attention, we should strive to get his respect.   We should be the kind of women that men like, respect, are genuinely interested in.

He shared, very briefly, a little bit about what he tells guys who are struggling with lust, impurity, and pornography.

He said that guys should strive to make women the subject – not an object.  The subject of interest, of conversation, of care and love.  That guys should look at our faces and understand that we have families and hobbies and lives.  He told the girls to determine NOW to only ever date guys who know you are a subject, not an object.


After Dan left, we discussed some of the things he shared.  I urged the girls, in light of the “visual nature” of a guy to “HELP A BROTHA’ OUT” by dressing modestly.  We talked about how modest does not mean homely or ugly or unfashionable!

I explained to them that dressing modestly is important for 2 reasons:

1. I know many good Christian men who are trying so hard to remain pure, and control their thought life.  And it is cruel of girls to parade around in immodest clothing in front of these brothers in Christ.  It causes them to stumble, it puts them in harms way – and God calls that sin.

2. Secondly, if you wear low-cut tops, you’re going to attract guys who like girls in low-cut tops.  If you wear short skirts, you’re going to get attention from boys who like looking up girls skirts.  So if you want to date some guy who chases skirts, checks out other women like they’re objects – fine.  But if you want to date a stand-up guy, you’re going to have to do things that attract a stand-up guy.  If you want to date a man who loves Jesus, you’re going to have to do things that are attractive to a guy who loves Jesus.  What kind of attention are you attracting?  Are you dressing to get respect?

Then we talked about what turns GIRLS on.  If guys are visual, what are girls?

Girls are emotional. This made sense to the girls when I put it this way.  Guys are visual – so they get turned on by porn.  We don’t.  Girls are emotional – so we get turned on by the Twilight series.

“GASP!”  “Oooooh, yes.”  “Sigh,” they all said.  Point taken.

So I explained the importance of guarding your heart.  Since girls are so emotional (a good thing, until it is twisted), if we give ourselves too quickly, too fully, or too rashly, without answering important questions, we risk an INCREDIBLE amount of sexual temptation.  We just want to “be close.”  To be held, loved, cared for.  It’s a road that is much shorter than it looks.

We had excellent discussion and I sent the girls home with two verses on a pretty piece of carstock:

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
…Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.”  [Song of Solomon 2:7]

“Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.”  [Proverbs 4:23]


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